2005/05/02

Myth No. 10: Baath is a Political Entity

Every day Karfan goes to work, he has to be tortured hearing about the upcoming big event that became the talk of the year this year: The Baath Party Regional Convention. So much rumors and talks that gives Karfan headache to hear and see people talk about as if it is going to be the Big-Bang of Syria. The Baath will change its name, the Baath will change its objectives, the Baath will allow political life, the Baath will get rid of all the old guard, King Lion the 2nd will reshuffle and clean the Baath party and so on and so on.

In order for a party to do all of this shit, it has to be a Political Party. Karfan wonders when in monkey's name this “Thing” became a real party. Yes, granted we call it “The Party”and “Baath Party”, but these are mere names of some “thing” that exists and we had to call it a name. It does not mean anything like a political party or any political or organizational entity. It just exists around us and between us like that black-cloud of pollution on top of Damascus and Banias, like the sewage stink, or like the Mukhabarat's Peugeot white cars. “Baath Party”, “People's Assembly”, “Cultural Center”, and “People's Army” are just names of things that had nothing to do with those names.

Back when Karfan was forced to serve his country and waste two years of his already-useless life in the army, he was assigned to a radar unit in Lebanon. That was because his degree was in electronic engineering and all, although he himself did not have the slightest idea what did he study during those years he spent at university. Regardless of that fact, service at a radar station was both the most useless and most dangerous service in the Syrian Army. They were not allowed to ever turn on those junk backward radars the Russians had bullied Syria into buying. If they operate them, the Israelis would detect their location, send missiles and blow the whole thing up. You cannot think of any more useless way to spend a year and a half of your life: you have to sit inside a dead piece of junk that is supposed to detect enemy's airlines, but you cannot turn it on because if you do, it would be blown away, with you in it of course. The biggest fear was that one asshole up in the upper command, might actually take the risk and order them to turn the radars on one of those days. Every one there knew what would happen then; they code named it: The Suicide Order.

That is why Karfan accepted his new assignment few months later of becoming the Psychological Warfare Officer (A Baath Party officer who is responsible for the party and propaganda affairs in the unit). The real joke was that Karfan never have been a Baathi in his entire life. The unit commander was an ignorant from Dara'a who thought that just because Karfan is from Tartous and Alawie, then he is certainly a member of the Baath! Theses are the sort of Myths that many has on the miserable Alawie population who was not lucky enough to be blessed of belonging to the entourage of our Lord the King Lion. Despite the fact that someone like Karfan is on the bottom of the bottoms in the social hierarchy of this country's society, many think that he is Baathi, he is certainly working for the secret service, and he has certainly very well established connections among the upper command! Why? Just because he is an Alawie by birth, regardless of the fact that his belief in religions is not much firmer than his belief in Mickey Mouse.

So when his commander assigned him to that position, Karfan did not bother to tell him that he is not Baathi. The commander won't believe him anyhow and would think that Karfan is pulling his leg. So Karfan shut up and accepted the great job which would guarantee at least that he will not be inside one of those junk machines when the Israeli missiles blow them up. He kept saying that his Baath Enrollment Card has not been transferred yet to the unit so that he would avoid been asked about his Baath membership details (transforming membership between cities could take anything between three months to three years, or eternity when it is lost on the way).

During those following months, Karfan came to know great deal about the great sophisticated Baath Party which he never joined. Karfan was responsible of writing down the minutes of the weekly party meetings: It would start in chanting the great symphony: “Our goals: Unity, Freedom, Socialism”. “Our leader for Eternity: The Faithful Lord King the 1st.” Then it would go something like this:

Commander: Comrade Saleem, it is your turn to read the brief.
Saleem: Yes sir, this week news highlight is .. Saleem continues reading the most boring news that ever been compiled by a human being (taken from the Second most boring magazine that ever been compiled by human being: The Solider) on how our lord King Lion the 1st greeted this president and telegraphed the other president and how he dined with this and farted with that etc..
Commander: Next, comrade Muhsen, did you prepare the weekly discussion topic.
Muhsen reads certain paragraph that he had just cut out of the Munadel (quarterly Baath magazine: this is the First most boring magazine that ever been compiled by human being) about the validity of the Arab cause in unification.
Commander: Comrades, anyone has a comment on the discussion issue of this week.
Other comrades: .... (their faces look empty and bored as a dead black old cat).
Commander: Well good, we can end this week's meeting, and we can as well consider this meeting sufficient for the coming month (A common practice was to condense those weekly meetings into one every month or two or ... six). Comrade Karfan, have you written what we said? Comrade Karfan?
Karfan: zzzz
Commander: Comrade Karfan, ARE YOU SLEEPING?
Karfan: nnnnooo sir I am not, just my eye was a bit heavy.
Commander: Comrade Lieutenant Karfan, how many times I warned you not to sleep in meetings. Don't let me ever see you sleeping again. Now ask comrade Saleem about what we talked about this meeting and write it down.
After the commander had left.
Karfan: So Saleem shit-head, you want to tell me what the hell did you speak about this week?
Saleem: oh yea, we spoke about attacking Sweeden with a nuclear bomb. You know what we spoke about asshole.
That was true, every single meeting was almost a carbon copy of the previous one. The commander never did anything really about Karfan sleeping in the meetings because he thought that Karfan could do that since he is an Alawie and influential and all!

Beside boring people with the morning news and preparing the commander boring speeches at the many events that the unit celebrated, another duty of Karfan was writing the minutes of the “Baath Active Member Examinations”. When a miserable citizen joins the Baath, they are considered “Supportive Members” for couple of years until they can pass an interview to become an “Active Member”. In those interview exams, the examiner would ask the member something like What is the Definition of Socialism, What are the Basis for our Arab Unity, and the like. In reality, it all depends on the Secret Service “Security Evaluation”. A good one means “pass” even if you answered that Hawaii is a part of the Arab Union, and a bad one means “stay as a supportive member” even if you happen to go crazy and memorize by heart the whole party's constitution. In the army, those interviews were conducted by bored high rank officers who were so frustrated and angry that they ended up with this filthy boring duty instead of doing what every Syrian officer dreams to do: To have a Range-Rover and do nothing at all.

Before the interview the interviewers usually give the anticipated questions to Karfan, so that he can make the examined members memorize some semi-decent answers to those questions at the last minute. In one of those interesting interviews, a bored interviewer asked a question that was not previously given, a surprise question:
- Define the Party.
The perplexed Sergeant answered:
- eih, Sir?
- Give a Definition of the party.
- What? The party, Sir? THE party.
- YES, Sergeant, Define the Baath Party.
- The Baath Party, Sir? You mean the Party.
Loosing his nerve, the officer yelled:
- YES, SERGEANT, YOU HEARD ME, WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF THE PARTY?
- eih, emmm, the party sir, the party sir is ... the Party.
- What?
The sergeant, looking confident now that he found the absolutely unshakable true answer to this weird quiz:
- The Party sir? The party is the Party. (El Hezeb Ya Seedee, El Hezeb Hweih El Hezeb).

That was, in Karfan view, the most exact and profound statement that has ever been said about the Baath Party. Maybe it was some sort of a definable political entity in the old days, before King Lion the 1st decided to turn it into a joke, but for us, the happy generation who were borne after the happy revolution, it is just that: THE PARTY. We were born and it was there, and we had to just live with it, like the breakfast or going to toilet, you never question what the hell are those things and why we are doing them. Everyone knows that really, everyone who has ever been to a party-meeting knows that.

But somehow all of a sudden, the Baath is being re-invented as a political entity. Maybe it was the fault of the shit-head Americans who, before destroying Iraq, invented this fictitious big deal about the Baath Party as something that controlled and existed as an organized entity. Maybe it is the fault of the people who wants to forget that King Lion the 2nd rules over them by Republican Guard and Special Forces and Mukhabarat. The people who dreams that their life would drastically improve if someone changes the name of that “Thing” or changed some words in its constitution, which 99% of the party members never laid eye on to begin with, not to mention ever read. You think if the party's slogan: Unity, Freedom, Socialism became: Freedom, Unity, Market, or even: Hommos, Falafel, Bnadoura, then this society and country would miraculously change?

Karfan thinks that Marie Antoinette was very unlucky: If only she had people like the Syrian people when she went out of that window and promised the angry mob that they will be fed biscuit instead of bread. They would have actually gone back home, and spent the next two years speaking about the different types of biscuit they would get! Many here sincerely think the next convention will bring us biscuits. Karfan suggests that the “Thing”, the “Party”, which is now trying to play the role of a real party, should change its name really as many are guessing it would do. But Karfan suggests the following name: “Hizeb El Baskoot” (Biscuit Party). “The shouting would even sound better than in the original name,” says Karfan, “Listen:
Bil Rooh Bil Damm Nafdeek Ya Baskoot, Bil Rooh Bil Damm Nafdeek Ya Baskoot.”

77 Comments:

Anonymous Don Cox said...

Great writing. Not sure whether to laugh or cry, but I laughed anyway. The Baath party seems to be a close imitation of the Russian Communist party. One can imagine meetings like that going on all over the Soviet Empire.

2/5/05 13:47  
Blogger Vox Populi - Agent Provocateur said...

You say that you have suicide operators in the radar machine...

Wait a minute you mean like kamikaze?? ,

This sounds like terrorism... George W won't let this happen.

cheers ;)

2/5/05 15:35  
Blogger Mohammed said...

brilliant!

2/5/05 16:46  
Anonymous Jonathan Levy said...

Ah, Karfan, you're a genius.
Your blog reads as well as Mark Twain.

Please keep writing!

2/5/05 18:10  
Anonymous Mukhabedat said...

Karfan..you lost me on this one.

1+1=2

Syria will not stay the way it is. Because if it does, the brown stinky stuff will hit the fan

2/5/05 21:14  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep on blogging, Karfan! You make my day every time you post.

3/5/05 00:27  
Blogger KNL said...

I wish Algerians would write like this.

3/5/05 02:36  
Blogger Brian H said...

Great stuff! That membership business sounds like the way the criminal motorcycle gang here, the Hell's Angels, stages things. But they're much more elaborate and thorough in their procedures and requirements.

3/5/05 03:14  
Blogger Desert Island Boy said...

There's a Peter Seller's movie in here somwhere...

3/5/05 03:32  
Blogger yaman said...

Excellent.

You should write in Arabic as well.

3/5/05 07:39  
Anonymous T. said...

I remember in the 7th or 8th grade that someone entered our classroom and handed us a form to join this "thing". I didn't know what it was all about, but I felt there's something fishy... All the students handed back the forms filled except me... After a couple of years, I found out that all my classmates belong to that "thing" while they couldn't remember when they joined it :p

I think 80% of Syrians belong to that "thing" just to get the advantages they could get. Especially students who join to get the extra credits in Bakaloria to join the college they want.

3/5/05 20:26  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

80%?

Try 100%

3/5/05 20:59  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

JOIN THE REVOLUTION - READING IS NOT ENOUGH

4/5/05 13:54  
Anonymous Mohammed said...

As a loyal party member I am offended by your post. The Baath Party and King Lion the First really put Syria on a great path towards modernity, and even gave us great slogans to boot. How would our lives turned out if we did not recite the party slogan every morning? Do you honestly believe reciting “Hommos, Falafel, Bnadoura” would not change the character of Syria? All the poor children every morning will be reminded that they are hungry. The true vanguard party gives you a slogan that sounds idealistic, not one that is attainable.
This site is probably the funniest and most truthful commentary about Syria. I think that you have laid an argument that reform is not possible under the current regime, that reform is actually just a means to stay in power. What is the next step? Do we rise up and overthrow the King? Martin Luther King said in a famous speech: “now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to transform this pending national elegy into a creative psalm of brotherhood. Now is the time to lift our nation.” This is how the younger generation should think. NOW IS THE TIME. Our parents, the ones who failed us so miserably by bequeathing us a hopeless future, did not believe in action. They followed the corrupt leaders of the time, they thought they could defeat Israel, they believed in pan-Arabism. We can see how much good that did. Israel is stronger than ever and collectively the Arab states do nothing to help the Palestinians. Maybe if Nasser comes back, he and King Lion could work out a new deal for pan-Arabism.
I am sure that some of you agree that reform is insufficient and revolution is in order. What do Syrians want? Change from within, or pressure from abroad? I will have a website up soon that will further explain the necessary steps towards a successful non-violent action. We can’t fight the King using his weapons; we must use the morally superior weapon. People like Karfan can lead the way.

4/5/05 18:53  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hysterical.
Your a great writer.
Love,
shit head American ;-)

5/5/05 00:39  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't know there were so many of us anonymouses...or maybe we're all just one with a split personality.

You have to have a split personality to live like this. If you want to call it living. If what you end up with is really anything resembling a personality.

Soo...the Zionist entity is stronger than ever and the beings there come and go and eat whatever they want and grow great oranges. Do they have some secret cabal that orders such things?

This is all very puzzling. I mean, considering what a paradise the whole area was until they showed up and grabbed all the good stuff and now they should just die if we could only figure out how to pull the trigger without having the gun jam up and shoot off our hand.

Yeah, bring back Nasser. Or maybe Sadat. Whatever...the eye doctor has got to go.

5/5/05 01:53  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny thing about humor is that when it's the most effective, there is always an element of truth to it. I must say this: There is so much talent coming out of the middle east that it's mind boggling. I wonder how far the Arabs would have "evolved" were it not for the spector of political corruption and religious fundamentalism. We can only pray that this is the beginning of the end of the kind of corrosive oppression described in your blog. Keep telling the truth--it's as refreshing as it is compelling (and unfortunately deadly).

5/5/05 06:17  
Blogger Lieutenant Fishman said...

Salaam! I lived in Jerusalem for a year and find your site to be totally accurate. Not to mention hilarious. Time is running out for King Lion the Second, he will either end up in Paris or in a shallow grave. Tyrants will no longer be tolerated- look at King Saddam and Lebanon and even Libya moving to the West. Stay safe and keep blogging!

5/5/05 18:15  
Anonymous Anas said...

A great post Karfan, keep posting these marvelous comments.

6/5/05 02:19  
Anonymous sod off swampy said...

One small correction. It is not Hawaii that belongs to the greater Arab Nation, but Massachusetts.

6/5/05 17:03  
Blogger yochanan said...

rolling on the floor laughing my ass off.

and why not kubah & sharma?

7/5/05 07:43  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

karfan, I encourage you to publish these texts. You won't become millionaire but they are definitely worht writing.

Anyway you can call me at the interior ministry. Just ask for Mustafa in the palestine division.

8/5/05 17:04  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bil Rooh Bil Damm Nafdeeka Ya Karfan :)

9/5/05 12:46  
Blogger Solomon2 said...

Karfan, your life is a comedy. I suggest you publish it as such; almost no one who hasn't experience "socialism" will believe it's the truth.

9/5/05 20:42  
Blogger J. Francis Lehman said...

YOU are a great writer. I know it's serious stuff, but your sarcasm is friggin' hilarious! The dry, wry wit you bring to your writing is awesome. And "Biscuit Party"?! Or "Hommos, Falafel, Bnadoura"?! I'm gonna be laughing about that for a long, long time...

Great stuff. Glad you're here.

10/5/05 01:33  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

im a alawi from around tartous too, with (poor) relatives in the baath, army etc. i appreciate that someone is finally telling the truth about the power of the alawies in syria--that there's no alawi power, its just a group of thugs, some of whom are alawi.

i and im sure other faithful readers would appreciate some info on who you are--is this ghost writer thing for real? i find it hard to believe. why dont you write in arabic? or do you? give us SOMETHING, we like you ;)

12/5/05 03:07  
Blogger Antony Loewenstein said...

Hi there,
I'm a journalist based in Sydney, Australia. Fascinating reading from the other side of the world.
I've just posted about you: http://antonyloewenstein.blogspot.com/.

Stay brave.

Antony

12/5/05 13:46  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is soo boring, why can't you ever write about something encouraging instead of these morbid posts. But you will ask me, If I find it boring, why did I read it. Because I am bored and was looking for something to read.aaaaaarrrrrrgh I am so bored I want to cry

14/5/05 23:43  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to ask you something. Email me. alawia@gmail.com.

15/5/05 22:37  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

is karfan ok? it has been a long time since last posting.

to the new folks, don't ask about him, his personal life etc. Accept his insights that he shares and hopes for a better someday. Karfan is doing what he can and needs to survive physically so hold your need for personal thrills.

17/5/05 07:18  
Blogger Dymphna said...

Karfan is Kafka reincarnated.

The environment is way too 20th century murderous for Mark Twain to have been able to get it down like this.

My intuition tells me that Karfan blogs when he's *not* in Syria, in order to avoid being caught.

Great stuff but no way is he going to get a book out of it. Not unless he becomes an ex-patriate.

Someone ought to make a situation comedy out of his material and save the proceeds for him. That's *real* subversion and real support.

Can't imagine the courage this takes, and the up-hill battle against regime-induced depression and hopelessness. They serve who only stand and observe.

Puts the MSM 'reporters' to shame. They wouldn't last 15 minutes in his shoes.

18/5/05 19:27  
Anonymous "Ali Hussein Badr" said...

Karfan, I am sure I know you in real life, but I don't know if we already shake hands, somewhere in Beirut, by night or by day...

So you think the bastard and some of his fellows have been baked promptly by the young brother and the cousin? Sounds nice. Dogs eat dogs. I totally agree with you on your analysis of the Syrian-Lebanese-Iraqi-Mashreqi-Arabic-Feodalist-Tribal-Maffiosi-Undereducated society we are living in. To the light of the recent events in the neigborhood, I don't see any changes for the near and far future of our region. But your sarcastic voice is priceless and more than necessery to wake-up and stimulate some minds here and there.

Hope to see you one of these days, when you will pass by for blogging

Ali

22/5/05 01:24  
Blogger Louise said...

All you anonymouses should use a name, any name will do. Just sign at the end of your post. It makes it so much easier for the rest of us to address the right anonymous when we want to respond to something you've said. It's easy. See what Ali did at the end of his post. I'll do the same and I'll use a ficticious name.

Stubble-jumper

22/5/05 15:14  
Blogger Louise said...

Oh, and will the real Martin Luther King Jr. of the Middle East please stand up. Nothing changes without real action by real individuals. Will he be Syrian? That would be soooo cool.

Stubble-jumper

22/5/05 15:17  
Anonymous semite said...

Over the years I've read posts from various Arabs criticizing their own governments for all of their corruption, lies, bullshit, cheating, torture, etc. It's a breath of fresh air, until the writer concludes his/her rant with: "When we finally have our freedom we'll be able to face the Zionist entity and destroy it once and for all!"

The problem in the Arab world is partially the totalitarian governments, but also the warped, backwards thinking that is shared by most members of your failed societies. Maybe that is why you "enjoy" such warped governments in the first place?

Think about it- and stop blaming Jews for all of your problems.

25/5/05 03:55  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those who blame the jews are fanatics idiots. I am Syrian (living in the US) and I have close friends of the jewish faith. It doesn't mean I do blame, and despise, Israel and israelis for the awful things happening in THAT land.

For the problems of the arab world, I blame the people and goverments equally of course. Everything else is just a psychological defense mechanism of projection (or was it displacement?! :) )

26/5/05 05:37  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Correction of the above:

It DOSEN'T mean I DO NOT blame Israel and Israelis for the awful things done in THAT land.

By the way, where is Karfan? I hope the poor guy is not in some cold torture chambre at you know where!

26/5/05 05:41  
Anonymous semite5000 said...

Yeah, I've been worried about Karfan because he has not written a new post in a couple of weeks.

27/5/05 21:51  
Blogger J. Francis Lehman said...

Me too; I keep checking back, hoping for more...

29/5/05 01:45  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where are you??

31/5/05 03:12  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Karfan,

It has been a long time since you have written something new, so I wonder about you ?
Anyway, I hopethat all is going well for you. Keep posting your wonderful myths.

31/5/05 13:47  
Anonymous The Soul Of Syria said...

Few days ago, the Secret (not so secret) service in Syria imprisoned a Syrian atcivist in the city of Tartous in a most savage manner, and he is being tortured right now in a Syrian jail. His name is "Habib Saleh". We also heard of the latest arrests to the Attassi discussion club members, and that they were released later on. Many new arrests have recently taken place in Syria. I guess the Assad regime acts like the frustrated husband who comes home from a difficult day at work where his superiors were given him all kinds of shit, and all he could do was to accept their shit, and then comes home to vomit his frustration on his wife and children. The Syrian regime always accepted the shit from his superiors outside of Syria, and the regime always kneeled to threats from outside (Israelis, Americans, Turkish, etc..., the latest was French-Americans for liberating Lebanon which the regime complied with the speed of light), but the regime empties its frustration on the Syrian people after abiding by the Foreign demands and rules.

Was Karfan touched in some way by the recent arressts? I hope not.

We are awaiting your Myth number 11, Mr. Karfan/ God Bless you.

1/6/05 17:57  
Blogger fathom said...

Your writings here sounds like O'toole's "Confederacy of Dunces" set in Syria.

Basically, you need to write a book.

This American Shithead digs would buy it.

3/6/05 16:14  
Blogger Akba said...

seriously...i'm worried about you Karfan....where are you??

8/6/05 04:20  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think we are going to see Myth 11. I think Karfan is safe, but he needs to shift gear.

9/6/05 10:30  
Anonymous Bassam said...

Karfan is perhaps shifting gear, or perhaps he was "elected' to become the newest member of the Commanders of the great Baath Party in Syria which held its long anticipated conference this week.

If this is trues, my friend Karfan, please do not forget me in teh millions you will steal using your position as have all of the commanders before.

Best wishes.
I know you can not ever be like them, my dear friend.

10/6/05 02:44  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How do you know about shifting gear stuff? I am rather worried about Karfan, especially after Samir Kassir assassination. and there have been reports of arrests in Syria.

10/6/05 17:42  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Shifting gears" is another way of saying Karfan has run out of steam for the time being, and has exhausted with his ten myths what he wants to say. He needs to step back, take stock of the changing situation (if it has ever), and re-commence burning his fuel with less intensity, so that he can maitain a sustained penmanship. Karfan is safe because he is not a public figure. Or, the person may well be under arrest, but not as "Karfan", the blogger of "Syria Exposed". The latest round of arrests is short lived, and will result only in an "earfull" for those arrested. They would most likely be released soon. I still think, however, that Karfan the person is safe. Majd

13/6/05 12:52  
Blogger Bryan Kerwick said...

Karfan:

It's been 6 weeks since we heard from you. Where the hell are you?

Some us, me especially, worry you are either dead or in jail.

Hopefully I am just paranoid and you will grace us once again with your sarcastic wit.

My prayers go out to you and hopefully they will be answered in a manner I understand.

16/6/05 09:05  
Anonymous peaceful jew said...

Wow that's great. I've heard Communist party meetings in Russia were exactly the same.
You have a wonderful writing style- low-key and dry. It reminds me of Jerome K. Jerome ans especially of Gashek's Adventures of brave soldier Shveik.
peaceful jew

16/6/05 11:52  
Anonymous One of the few non killers Arab said...

How many people are like you in Syria, Mr. Karfan?
I bet they laugh at you as most dummies in the Arab world usually do when faced with a person telling them the truth..Or perhaps, they are angry at you, because you are showing them what they really are!

20/6/05 02:18  
Anonymous A friend said...

Dude, serious, where are you ?? Haven't heard from you in a long time...

20/6/05 05:36  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your faith in Mickey Mouse is weak? Shocking blasphemy! Demonstrate your penitence by chanting the sacred words, "Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me? M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E."

Sod Off Swampy,

Massachusetts is not to be confused with the Arab Nation. It is a People's Republic.


Michael in Framingham
Once an Admiring Neighbor of the FHMMC

22/6/05 04:24  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was an eye opener to me
But tell me how do you have the time to record all this
Love the Lion King connetation
My salutations to the "disgusted' karfan
I hope he get out of there
Keep it on, you are donig a fantastic job, under the circomstances

25/7/05 04:04  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny, funny stuff. I don't know if any of it is true, but it sure is funny as hell.

15/8/05 00:28  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Karfan,
I hope you are alive and kicking.
Great stuff.
Please hurry up with YOUR revolution, and overthrow my spineless son who's never worked a day in his life in order to attain POWER. I was wrong for the way I fucked up Syria, and would be honoured if you became the Big Kahuna.

Go Karfan go!

Always,

Hafez Assad
----------

PS: Er, I'm here in Hell hanging out with that son of a bitch, Satan. Boy is he ever a liar, but the skirts down here rule. Who needs 70 virgins doing all that suicide crap when there are MILLIONS of sluts down here?

13/4/06 02:50  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Karfan, did u overthrow my worthless son King Bashar yet? He is such a skinny slimeball with no spine. Allah forgive me for having such a panzy for a daughter - er son.
Please get on with the revolution and take your rightful place in Syria - with your right boot up King B's arse.

Ok...time for me to head of to the Satan's Ball down here in Hell town. And remember what I said about those 70 virgins? Screw em, there's plenty of sluts down here who are EXPERIENCED. Leave that suicide crap for the sheeple.

"Piece"

- Haffez Assad

25/4/06 01:39  
Anonymous H.Assad@Hell.orgy said...

Hi Karfan!
Hell's starting to get a little boring. I have itches in places I didn't imagine. **wink wink**
How goes the overthrowing of my panzy son, Bashar?? I gotta hand it to him. He's stuck around through thick and thin. I was certain one of my former worthless corrupt military men would off him by now.
Oh I just remembered that we (Syria) is part of the Axis of Evil. Maybe my good pal Satan is protecting the son of a bitch (his mother) after all.

Piece my friend.

- Haffez "the assassinator" Assad

17/9/06 09:04  
Blogger chaoyang said...

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