Myth No.4: We are Not Pathetic
Of course we are pathetic, and so is every single person lives here. What exactly do you expect us to be after 16 years of the worst education on earth, 3 years of being treated like shoe-soles in army, 12 years living in slums, and 40 years of Bil-Rooh-Bil-Damm Nafdeek Ya ... whoever? Eih? Do you expect us to develop liking to fine art and symphonies, or “grow above our feelings” and “smile to the future”?
But for those people angry at us we would like to say that they don't have to worry much about the continuity of our humble contribution to “The Anti-Arab Zionist-Imperialistic Crusaders Campaign” (the usual name for anything that is not to the liking of our Lords and Clerics and the idiots who believe them). Karfan and I are sure that despite the fact that I am posting from a nearby country, which I happen to visit very frequently, the geniuses of the uncountable mukhabarat organs of our lord "King Lion the 2nd" will sooner or later track me down. Karfan made me promise not to confess his name if that happen until after the fifth slap on the face in respect to our friendship. After which, we will be both thrown into jail and this outrageous scandalous site would be shut down. Only then, all would be fine and happy again and Syrians angry with us should be relieved that our society would go back to its solidarity and unison.
Since we will end up there for sure, we take this opportunity to deeply appreciate the incredible improvement in prison conditions under the rule of "King Lion the 2nd" in comparison to the days of our "Eternal Leader King Lion the 1st". Apparently the prisons were fully refurbished so much to the extent that they were compared to Five Star Hotels by a past prominent comrade who had the privilege of visiting the prisons in both prosperous eras. What this left-over-comrade forgot to notice is that at the time when our new ruler was improving the Inside-Of-Prisons, Out-Of-Prison conditions have been deteriorated and became below those of prisons. Under the rule of his father the Eternal Leader, we could steal electricity and water to our heart content to compensate the dirt semi-salaries we used to be given. Now we are blessed with “Law Rule” like all advanced nations. We are supposed to be lawful citizens and pay for every bloody service that "King Lion the 2nd" and his gang in ministries and private enterprises bless us with while still getting dirt semi-salaries. So actually, we will be more than happy to leave the barn-like slum we live in and have a five star hotel accommodation since Karfan and I never sat foot in such hotels before. We appreciate if our comrade instruct us whether towels are provided or should we take ours with us?
By the way, karfan do not like this out-dated comrade who mentioned the five star hotels story. The reason being that the sister of Karfan's best friend and her fiancee were deceived by this man's ideas and joined his infamous organization few months before their marriage. They were too stupid thinking that being Alawis, the same sect of our Eternal Leader, would give them the right to use their heads and actually think for themselves. Two months after their marriage, the geniuses of the mukhabarat noticed that, because of their political activity, the couple did not have the chance to have a honeymoon and invited them to spend a free-of-charge extended honeymoon at a Two Star Hotel in the basement of one branch. The honeymoon went on for fifteen years! Yes, 15 ys. During which, and out of our leaders concerns of preserving the conservatism and morals of our Syrian society, they were put in separate cells. Logically of course, Karfan and his friend always blamed and cursed the out-dated comrade for this incidence not our Eternal Leader whose name cannot be defiled. The couple ended their 15 ys shittymoon, managed to find a half-built room in a slum near Damascus and are living happily ever after. And you think we are not pathetic?
The other day, Karfan was asked by the establishment he works for to “voluntarily” join a support demonstration outside the Syrian Parliament while "King Lion the 2nd" was supposed to give a very important speech. Only Karfan signed in voluntarily; the rest were taken there anyway. Karfan wanted to go so that he would avoid listening to the speech, because all people and employees were supposed to be mesmerized behind their TVs or radios and listen to it. Karfan prides himself that he never listened to, or read, a single word of any of the speeches that our lord "King Lion the 2nd" blessed us with. At the gathering outside the parliament, Karfan spaced out as he usually does in such important occasions trying to recite the full long series of Aassi Al-Hellani's Aala Daloona in his head. This way, he does not have to pay attention to anything said there or to speeches, he only would raise his hand when others raise it and move his mouth in what resembles: Bil Rooh Bil Damm Nafdeek Ya... while actually he is still reciting Daloona in his head. The shouting of the others always covers his muteness.
After this voluntarily patriotic contribution was over, Karfan was told the next day that "King Lion the 2nd" announced that our troops will be withdrawn from Lebanon. Karfan and his coworkers and others who were there together with the pathetic representatives of the pathetic Syrian people had shouted Bil Rooh Bil Damm Nafdeek Ya... for that decision of course. Had "King Lion the 2nd" announced that our troops will stay in Lebanon, Karfan and al. would have of course shouted Bil Rooh Bil Damm Nafdeek Ya... Had "King Lion the 2nd" announced that we will declare war on America and invade Washington DC, Karfan and al. would have of course shouted Bil Rooh Bil Damm Nafdeek Ya... Had "King Lion the 2nd" decided not to utter a single word and just stand there and chant Aala Daloona, Karfan and al. would have of course shouted Bil Rooh Bil Damm Nafdeek Ya... And you think we are not pathetic?
As Karfan puts it: we have a certified license to prove that we are pathetic, it is called the “Citizen ID” of Syrian Arab Republic.