2005/03/24

Myth No.6: We have Diamond

The second vision for the future of Syria is that "King Lion the 2nd", after finishing his fictitious struggle with some fictitious so called old guard factions in his party, will eventually grace us with freedom and reform and will sail the Syrian ship towards the high-sea of advancement.

Karfan thinks that this vision is so pathetic it makes him vomit. More pathetic are the deluded pathetic people who believe in it.

Most people know the French "King Louis the 16th" whose head was chopped like a potato by the angry mob. Karfan has this theory that when this king's ancestors started their dynasty, they actually had names: the first King Louis and the second King Francois the third King Charles or something. After a while though, people noticed that there are no differences between those kings and stopped bothering giving them different names. They just gave them the name Louis and numbered them: King Louis the 3rd, the 4th and so on.

Now many people here in Syria and outside are chewing what the French people had spat; they are actually giving our kings names in hope that they are going to be different from one another. Karfan is smarter than everybody, he labeled our eternal Leader as "King Lion the 1st" way back when he was still secretly training his "Baby Lion the 1st" to take his place. In fact, karfan never called a single despot in what is so called Arab countries by their names. He figured out early that they are all the beginning of dynasties: "NeoPharon the 1st" of Egypt, "King Jerk the 1st" of Libya etc. In Syria, "Baby Lion the 1st" never made it though; he was murdered by careless Mercedes engineers who could not design a car that can turn a curve with a speed of 300Km/h. But since our Lord had ample reserve of cubs, he started preparing "Baby Lion the 2nd" who became our lord "King Lion the 2nd". Recently, postures have been circulated of one of this new King's babies who did not reach his ten years old with the word "The Hope" on it. That is the future "King Lion the 3rd". Our present leader himself didn't even bother giving his baby a different name, he named him after his father, the eternal Leader.

Among his many titles, such as the leader, the, liberator, the doctor etc, "King Lion the 2nd" has this reputation that makes Karfan go crazy every time it is said in front of him: Western Educated!!
Our lord keeps telling foreign newspapers that he can not do the promised reforms because the people here are basically dump and stupid he cannot find enough similar "western educated" snobs to carry out his vision. Karfan did not believe his eyes when he read one interview in which this snob of a king told the reporter that the people in Syria are corrupt and incapable. To have some crushed stupid citizen like Karfan vilifying his fellow crushed citizens is one thing, but to have our "ELECTED" (that was he said) leader vilify us is outrageous. Karfan swears at everybody, but he has the right to rant because he refuses to immigrate (nor outside, nor back to the village that his father came from) in hope that something might change eventually even when he is seventy years old. But if our leader thinks we are stupid, then why doesn't he go the hell back to the west that he was "educated" by?

Everybody here knows the period that "Baby Lion the 2nd" spent in the West is less than two years, some 22 months or so. Karfan spent more than tow years trying to understand one book from that western education written by Nietzsche. So karfan, although self-admitting his limited mental capabilities, is wondering how is it possible for one person to spend 22 months in the west and be full-roundly "Western Educated", especially when that person had been living here under the direct Lion-ism Educational Instructions and Teachings of his father for the other 32 years of his life. Obviously, our leader went there and learned, in addition to his medical education, all about western philosophy, election systems, democratic processes, industrial promotion, administration systems, secular governing, financial management, and spaceship building, all in 22months. But the only reason he cannot carry out his plans to make Syria beat Sweden with advancement is the stupid dump people around him here who could not have a similar "western education". Yeih?

One relative of karfan's friend was an officer under "Baby Lion the 2nd" back in the days when he was ruling over one regiment of what his father made into El-Harass El-Alawie (Republican Guard made into 100% deluded Alawie poor villagers). This guy said that most soldiers and officers disliked him and were all yearning for the days of his brother "Baby Lion the 1st". "Baby Lion the 1st" was actually never popular among normal people such as "baby Lion the 2nd", but Karfan figured out that if someone can not win the respect of his own direct subordinates, then he is not worthy of Karfan's interest altogether, even though many people are fooled with him being a computer-geek and all.

Another word that kills Karfan when he listens to is "Khitab El-Kassam" (Inauguration Speech). This word became a new vocabulary by itself together with other newly invented meaningless vocabularies such as Islah Wa Tatweer (Reform and Development) etc. Karfan, until this very moment, has never heard or read or know a single word of what "King Lion the 2nd" said in that speech. But what kills Karfan the most is stupid people who are referring to that speech like it was a Testament from heaven and building their dreams and hopes around it. Obviously, they have never known the Diamond story.

Back during the gloomy years of the second half of the eighties, our Eternal Leader "King Lion the 1st" made a speech in which he said that Syria has discovered diamond mines in the north-western area near Idleb city. He said literally that soon enough we might be even richer than our cousins the Saudis. Karfan, who was listening attentively to this great news, was full of joy and started jumping around like a monkey who found a big banana. (I also remember this speech, for those of you who don’t believe, you can get ample references in Syria to every single word our Eternal Leader has ever uttered in his life, since all his speeches are better documented than even the teaching of the prophet himself). Karfan and his fellow friends who listened to this speech started immediately planning their fancy homes and trips to Europe when they will become reach like the Saudis. But after that speech, there was not even a word about the diamond!! Every time someone asked, the government shooed them away with some excuse or another. Eventually it turned out to be a big LIE! Apparently, according to an engineer close to karfan, they suspected something when they were digging some hole there, and someone came up with the brilliant idea that this might be a diamond mine. Yet, our Eternal Leader never bothered to tell us the 99% uncertainty of this sorrowful event, and decided to just lie and let us live with dreams of fancy houses and trips to Europe. After giving up on waiting for the diamond, Karfan decided that he will never ever listen to a single speech by a King. He invented the Daloona Reciting Technique to space out whenever he was forced to hear a speech, or avoided it all together when he could.

Back to the French "King Louis the 16th". It took 16 King Louis for the usually-clever French people to realize that these kings will not get any different from one another. Karfan is wondering how many Kings it would take for the dumb-ass Syrians who still repeat Khitabb El-Kassam (the inauguration Speech) to reach the same conclusion, maybe till the King 28th?


Till then.. They can wait for the diamond.

25 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Karfan the "ignorant",

I am sorry you are so miserable. "Depression'" means literally "being forced downwards." This can happen even when you don't consciously have any feeling at all of being "on top"! So I wouldn't dismiss this hypothesis out of hand. If I had to live in a foreign country, I would seek out one or two people who seemed amiable and would make myself useful to them, so that libido came to me from outside, even though in a somewhat primitive form, say of a dog wagging its tail. I would raise animals and plants and find joy in their thriving. I would surround myself with beauty - no matter how primitive and artless - objects, colours, sounds. I would eat and drink well. When the darkness grows denser, I would penetrate to its very core and ground, and would not rest until amid the pain a light appeared to me, for in excessu affectus [in an excess of affect or passion] Nature reverses herself. I wold turn in rage against myself and with the heat of my rage I would melt my lead. I would renounce everything and engage in the lowest activities should my depression drive me to violence. I would wrestle with the dark angel until he dislocated my hip. For he is also the light and the blue sky which he withholds from me.

Anyway that is what I would do. What others would do is another question, which I cannot answer. But for you too there is an instinct either to back out of it or to go down to the depths. But no half-measures or half-heartedness.

(Text of C.G. Jung's Letter on Depression)

A letter by C.G.Jung on 9 March 1959, C.G. Jung, Letters, p. 492-493

24/3/05 16:37  
Blogger Hadad said...

What the fuck is the anonymous Jung-loving psychonalytical idiot talking about? He claims that Karfan is an "ignorant" but according to what he wrote anonymous seems to be the biggest moron to have existed.
How can he say that Karfan is depressed when what he is doing is criticizing what he feels is the disgusting reality of the Syrian political life? Man, he's got some nerve to give him advice on how to deal with his stupid diagnosis of Karfan's state of mind. Plus what is that bullshit he says he would do if he were to live in a foreign country?
Anonymous, you're a confused idiot and have no idea what Karfan is talking about.

24/3/05 22:35  
Anonymous Catherine said...

hadad , I agree with you that what anonymous said has really nothing to do with what have been said here, but no need for such harsh words..I mean so what?..Ok some pepole say things that seem compelty strange to many others..And some pepole would even go crazy and attack Karfan and defend Assad and Baath like crazy, but thank god no mukhabarat has found this place yet! But getting all angry and crazy is not gonna change anything. It is funny some pepole outside Syria would find what Karfan is saying horrible and an evidence of deep depression, and advice mabe to go to a phsycolgy expert/doctor..Well All syrians almost feel the same, and 1: how can a normal syrian afford that? 2: it won't help anyway, it won't take away what is torturing us!
Karfan, god I was so happy to read what you said about his "western" education and the "old guard", I spoke with some Syrian pepole who were just like you explained..Believed that Bashar is "good" and everything will be ok with him, because he is so "educated". I wanted to strangle them when I heard that!!
What is really killing me is that everybody know the absolut majority of Syrians don't want Baath, don't wat Assad, don't want corruption and extreme poverty,want democracy..So..If this majority just got organised, went together on the streets, peacfully..it will be enough!! They can't put all in prison or kill all, it is enough to be 10 000..Once pepole see how many dare to stand up they will join in cause they would know beeing so many the governement will be helpless..if there were just some organisation!!

24/3/05 23:04  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are quite right -- the achilles heel of all tyrants is once the people overcome their fear and realize they have the numbers to take down any tyrant -- There simply are not enough guards for every citizen.

The trick is to organize and convince others to lose their fear. There is risk, but being a slave to a tyrant holds no future. They live in luxury, you live with what they allow you.

The natural condition of the human spirit is to live in freedom and excercise your free will. Every person deserves the right to aspire to their own greatest achievements.

Some things are worth dying for -- freedom is one.

24/3/05 23:50  
Anonymous Athena said...

karfan, thanks again for a great post

25/3/05 04:40  
Blogger Yuber said...

What is this meaningless shit about? It 's just ranting, nothing more. It is sometimes humorous other times very bland. Basically all i have read is an exaggeration of already well-known facts that we do not admit in public. ALL SYRIANS KNOW EVERYTHING THAT HAS BEEN POSTED HERE!

25/3/05 06:06  
Anonymous Minhduc Phan said...

Yuber,

I do not think this blog is intented for Syrians living Syria. The author has stated that clearly in the very first entry. Go read it yourself. This blog is for stupid Westerners - particularly the idiotic Western academics.

I am living in the US and without Karfan & Friend, I would be ignorant of the situation and have to read idiotic comments from Juan Cole. I much prefer Karfan's rant than Juan's rant.

Thanks Karfan.

25/3/05 07:53  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

friend of kafran ,

take him to McDonalds' , he might then see the light and stop being "disgusted with life and everything ... ".

And you never know, he might even become a neocon after second or a third trip.

25/3/05 14:26  
Anonymous Lebanese said...

Karfan and friend,
Just wanna congratulate you on this GREAT blog, full of incisive descriptions with a humorous touch. I've grown up in a war-torn country where the culprit was always pointed out as being "Big Bad Syria". I won't delve into the details of that statement now, coz i think we are way past that. We are all aware of the deep schism separating the people from the "Western educated" rulers in Syria. I visited Syria a couple of months ago for the first time, and it is then that I truly realized the extent of all what Karfan is describing...
I have a very good Syrian friend with whom I talk about everything except politics, because I cherish our friendship too much to put it thru this. After Hariri's assassination and in light of all the events that followed (namely the mass upheaval of the people), I tried nonetheless to discuss the matter with him. All he said was: "I'm too busy these days, I'm not following the news". He even pretended not to know about the demonstrations taking place in Damascus, where he lives and works (!) Given the fact that I consider him to be a bit more intelligent than that, I've begun wondering just to what extent the people there are brainwashed and "tamed"... and how scared do they feel?
Karfan and friend, if you really are who you pretend to be,I hope that many others will follow in your footsteps... And if it's true that bitching about something constitutes the first step in fixing it, then I hope the other steps will soon follow!
A Lebanese from Lebanon

25/3/05 17:48  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really liked the post by Lebanese from lebanon. I just want every one to pay attention to it because it shows how friendship can be stronger than politics.

I am Syrian from Syria, I really have always admired lebanon because it is a country with such a rich cultural life and the Lebanese people I know are so funny.

Here is what I want to say. I would like to ask all the long-worded people on this site not to bite me beause of my simple opinion:

6oz bel siaseh..friendship..beauty.. Liberty..and 7ommos for Lebanon and Syria.

P.S I put the 7ommos to make everything look less dramatic.

25/3/05 20:30  
Anonymous 7ashash said...

Well this will be the last time I read your blog. It always ruined my high anyway.

The most important thing in life is staying high. Stay high people...and adios jo os amo mucho y el buen jesus nos salvara con hashish del morruecos...je vous aime tous. Faites l'amour avant de mourir, c'est tres bien...et c'est excellent pour la sante. mwaaaah

25/3/05 20:39  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Lebanese,

I do not think Syrians are brainwashed. All the Syrains I know have a very deep understanding of what is happening in politics. Probably more than most thanks to the skepticism that they developed through years of listening to blatant lies by their gov.

Having said that, they do entertain certain myths that are being identified by Karfan and his blogger freind.

The "Diamond" myth is one of the most irritating. They think that Assad jr is a great guy but that he is being stopped from doing reforms by the old guard.

Here is what I think:

1) Even if he is a great guy (which I doubt), he is an irrelevant guy. Why would syrians want to be lead by an eye doctor whose only distinguishing feature is that his father was Hafez.

2) The only reason Assad is here is those who protect him. So it is not the case that Assad is slowed down by these poeple, he is maitained by them.

3) The only way they will protect him is if it is in their interest. He has to pay protection tax. Since his wealth great as it is will not be enough to mobilize 10% of the population as protectors (the amount it takes to keep the 90% in check). This protection tax has to come from the Syrian poeple who basically have to pay their jailors.

4) While the Lebanese were generously contributing to this protection tax. The exit of Syria from Lebanon means Syrians have to pay more from now on. Expect more corruption, etc in the coming years.

5) Finally, you can blame the old guard for being ruthless. But, while acknoliging that they are thugs and criminals, I have a lot of respect for them. Most of them grew in poverty, and took major risks with their lifes to get where they are. They got there by being smart couragous and loyal (while being ruthles and corrupt). The new guard however, is a bunch of spoilt kids who have no knowledge of poverty, and who have no skills except what has been transferred genetically form their parents. In spite of their comfortable upbringing they remained ruthless and corrupt and this is inexcusable.

25/3/05 23:57  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi all,

Just started reading this great blog and read a comment by littlewhy from Myth 4

==============================
I love your new blog. I wish I could help you. Unfortunately, the only help we could send you would come in the form sent to Iraq: the 101st Airborne, the 3rd ID, or a division of Jarheads. But that would make me an Evil Imperialist American, so I can't help you. Sorry.
==============================

littlewhy, why not a division of airheads, this way you get a chance to visit Syria.

(sorry readers, but I had to answer)

26/3/05 00:09  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the best blog and that was the smartest blog entry. Keep it up Karfan the brave!

26/3/05 08:14  
Blogger Zeyad said...

Karfan,

Congratulations on the great blog. If you keep it up, you will probably be the most famous blogger in Syria, in no time. You will be Syria's Salam Pax, if you know who he is.
Therefore, it is essential that your take the utmost care when you post. You have courage, I know, but it's not enough.
Use different Internet cafes. If you ever visit the same cafe, do NOT under any circumstances use the same computer when posting. Delete all temporary internet files and history records. Never leave any records on your personal computer at home. Being a computer geek, I am sure you know how to do this, but just in case.

If you need anything, please contact me on my email address which you can find at my blog page. Many people here in the blogosphere know me well, and you can trust me completely.

27/3/05 20:28  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

only few odd punks and wierdos in syria would refer to their people as "dumb-ass Syrians" and the french , who occupied syria , as the "usually-clever French people" !?


n'importe quoi !?

27/3/05 23:22  
Anonymous The Soul Of Syria said...

I admire Karfan, and think that every word he said about Syria and the so called Lions is a treasure by itself.

I post at Shrc.com in both its English and Arabic forums under the name of The Soul Of Syria, and its Arabic translation. I have to say that the points that Karfan has brought up, i.e the Lion's being described by the Western Media as "Western Educated" made me laugh so many times, and I had the exact thoughts and questions that Karfan brought up in his article. I hope Karfan will also speak of the numerous Statues that were made for the people to worship of the late so called Lion, and how this retarded dictator had transformed Syria and Syrians into sheep.

28/3/05 04:55  
Blogger Bryan Kerwick said...

Dear Karfan:

I loved reading all the "Myths" posted here and have come to one conclusion. Syrians would be happier if there was a political system of the people, by the people and for the people. Why not just go on safari and kill the lions? Create a government comprised of all the various groups with checks and balances. It is quite hilarious watching a government designed for gridlock. Politicians are assholes by nature. The comical gesturing is a great pasttime of watching those idiots argue with each other over nothing, making 2 hour speeches and still say absolutely nothing or even better be both sides of an issue. You should have a chance to see democracy in action. It is one of the best comic reality shows on earth. Nothing gets acomplished but at least they are funny to watch and it will get rid of your depression.

28/3/05 10:10  
Anonymous Mohamed said...

'Arfan, if you decide for any reason to immigrate and leave Syria (take a break that is), would it still be okay to call Syrians dumb-asses?

28/3/05 13:31  
Blogger Mike_Nargizian said...

Bro,
You are killin me... I mean I am laughing my *** off.
I just watched on CSPAN a conference on the media, Geraldo from Fox, Al Jazeera guy, Al Hayat rep and 2 others.... I wish I was a tv producer I could get you and we could do video clips of the Arab media, dictators and then the 'self appointed king of independent "unbiased" media Al Jazeera...."
I mean with Baghdad Bob we'd be millionaires..........

Keep up the good work.... people know a lie and g-d willing even in the Arab world eventually will speak out against the idea that you can't tell the truth about your culture good and bad outside that culture.....

Please keep writing Tony and the other blogges look forward to your posts now.
Mike

2/4/05 14:27  
Blogger Mike_Nargizian said...

5 possibilities why baby Assad's was doing 300km/hr and the car didn't make the corner......
1) Practicing for Nascar.
2) Paps only sprung for the E class - jr2 needed a chin job.
3) Paps running way overbudget on Hama reconstruction.
4)American/Zionist/Colonialists sold Jr a Camry and told him was Mercedes.
5) Paps couldn't afford the 500,000 James Bond Mercedes flying edition.

Drum roll please..............
None of the above.
All joking aside........
Now the painful hard 'truth'.

Jr was crusing out at 300k in his brand new pimped out Mercedes ride straight out of Compton, LA styled.... snorting crank off the dashboard, smoking a Fidel Cuban, a Western (of course) h* under the wheel, Snoop Dog blasting on his pimped out Bose when BAM........
All of a sudden Prince #2552 calls on his celley from Paris....
Prince Oil thief #2552 sends over a picture of some Parisian h*** he and Prince #'s 2223, 2550 and 2234 on his celley digital camera...
his celley drops on the floor and he rushes to pick it up..........
and the rest is history..

Syrian Press and Al Jazeera reported the next day that he died a Martyr in the against Zionism, Colonialism and Western hegemony.

Mike

2/4/05 15:09  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"You should have a chance to see democracy in action. It is one of the best comic reality shows on earth."
Yeah dude. Compare the lebanese parliament to the syrian parliament. They're worlds apart, even though they speak the same language.
I was wondering during the last lion king speech in front of the parliament... What happens to a guy who stops applauding and sits down before everyone else after some royal joke?

16/4/05 16:56  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Karfan and Friend,

Thanks for a hilarious post! I will read the other posts after I post this. I love it, I was so laughing my ass off. You two are incredibly funny. You, too, Mike. Keep up the great work!

27/7/05 02:09  
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