Myth No.4: We are Not Pathetic

All of us are pathetic. If you want a prove that not only the two of us are pathetic, then have a look at some of the comments left to our posts. Vulgarity is how Syrians respond to others expressing their feelings. Most people here react the same anyway when anyone around them starts speaking about the existing truth that no one is permitted to voice. They think that by just ignoring how much we are miserable and distrust each other, all would be fine.

Of course we are pathetic, and so is every single person lives here. What exactly do you expect us to be after 16 years of the worst education on earth, 3 years of being treated like shoe-soles in army, 12 years living in slums, and 40 years of Bil-Rooh-Bil-Damm Nafdeek Ya ... whoever? Eih? Do you expect us to develop liking to fine art and symphonies, or “grow above our feelings” and “smile to the future”?

But for those people angry at us we would like to say that they don't have to worry much about the continuity of our humble contribution to “The Anti-Arab Zionist-Imperialistic Crusaders Campaign” (the usual name for anything that is not to the liking of our Lords and Clerics and the idiots who believe them). Karfan and I are sure that despite the fact that I am posting from a nearby country, which I happen to visit very frequently, the geniuses of the uncountable mukhabarat organs of our lord "King Lion the 2nd" will sooner or later track me down. Karfan made me promise not to confess his name if that happen until after the fifth slap on the face in respect to our friendship. After which, we will be both thrown into jail and this outrageous scandalous site would be shut down. Only then, all would be fine and happy again and Syrians angry with us should be relieved that our society would go back to its solidarity and unison.

Since we will end up there for sure, we take this opportunity to deeply appreciate the incredible improvement in prison conditions under the rule of "King Lion the 2nd" in comparison to the days of our "Eternal Leader King Lion the 1st". Apparently the prisons were fully refurbished so much to the extent that they were compared to Five Star Hotels by a past prominent comrade who had the privilege of visiting the prisons in both prosperous eras. What this left-over-comrade forgot to notice is that at the time when our new ruler was improving the Inside-Of-Prisons, Out-Of-Prison conditions have been deteriorated and became below those of prisons. Under the rule of his father the Eternal Leader, we could steal electricity and water to our heart content to compensate the dirt semi-salaries we used to be given. Now we are blessed with “Law Rule” like all advanced nations. We are supposed to be lawful citizens and pay for every bloody service that "King Lion the 2nd" and his gang in ministries and private enterprises bless us with while still getting dirt semi-salaries. So actually, we will be more than happy to leave the barn-like slum we live in and have a five star hotel accommodation since Karfan and I never sat foot in such hotels before. We appreciate if our comrade instruct us whether towels are provided or should we take ours with us?

By the way, karfan do not like this out-dated comrade who mentioned the five star hotels story. The reason being that the sister of Karfan's best friend and her fiancee were deceived by this man's ideas and joined his infamous organization few months before their marriage. They were too stupid thinking that being Alawis, the same sect of our Eternal Leader, would give them the right to use their heads and actually think for themselves. Two months after their marriage, the geniuses of the mukhabarat noticed that, because of their political activity, the couple did not have the chance to have a honeymoon and invited them to spend a free-of-charge extended honeymoon at a Two Star Hotel in the basement of one branch. The honeymoon went on for fifteen years! Yes, 15 ys. During which, and out of our leaders concerns of preserving the conservatism and morals of our Syrian society, they were put in separate cells. Logically of course, Karfan and his friend always blamed and cursed the out-dated comrade for this incidence not our Eternal Leader whose name cannot be defiled. The couple ended their 15 ys shittymoon, managed to find a half-built room in a slum near Damascus and are living happily ever after. And you think we are not pathetic?

The other day, Karfan was asked by the establishment he works for to “voluntarily” join a support demonstration outside the Syrian Parliament while "King Lion the 2nd" was supposed to give a very important speech. Only Karfan signed in voluntarily; the rest were taken there anyway. Karfan wanted to go so that he would avoid listening to the speech, because all people and employees were supposed to be mesmerized behind their TVs or radios and listen to it. Karfan prides himself that he never listened to, or read, a single word of any of the speeches that our lord "King Lion the 2nd" blessed us with. At the gathering outside the parliament, Karfan spaced out as he usually does in such important occasions trying to recite the full long series of Aassi Al-Hellani's Aala Daloona in his head. This way, he does not have to pay attention to anything said there or to speeches, he only would raise his hand when others raise it and move his mouth in what resembles: Bil Rooh Bil Damm Nafdeek Ya... while actually he is still reciting Daloona in his head. The shouting of the others always covers his muteness.

After this voluntarily patriotic contribution was over, Karfan was told the next day that "King Lion the 2nd" announced that our troops will be withdrawn from Lebanon. Karfan and his coworkers and others who were there together with the pathetic representatives of the pathetic Syrian people had shouted Bil Rooh Bil Damm Nafdeek Ya... for that decision of course. Had "King Lion the 2nd" announced that our troops will stay in Lebanon, Karfan and al. would have of course shouted Bil Rooh Bil Damm Nafdeek Ya... Had "King Lion the 2nd" announced that we will declare war on America and invade Washington DC, Karfan and al. would have of course shouted Bil Rooh Bil Damm Nafdeek Ya... Had "King Lion the 2nd" decided not to utter a single word and just stand there and chant Aala Daloona, Karfan and al. would have of course shouted Bil Rooh Bil Damm Nafdeek Ya... And you think we are not pathetic?

As Karfan puts it: we have a certified license to prove that we are pathetic, it is called the “Citizen ID” of Syrian Arab Republic.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Syrians are not pathetic. You are.

21/3/05 21:57  
Blogger Yaman said...

This is hilarious stuff--and, despite some of the crude language, very insightful. It reminded me (especially the mechanical description of your participation in "King Lion"'s demonstration and furthermore the mechanical description of the crowd's response no matter what the Liar said.

I also tend to agree with your opinions on "Arabism" and nationalism =)

I look forward to reading more from you in the future. Perhaps, if I am successful in visiting Damascus this summer, we can arrange a meeting at one of those rallies and profess our patriotism Bil Rooh Bil Damm together :)

21/3/05 22:33  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Syrians are pathetic. All people are pathetic. Certainly there are degrees, but it is difficult to say if x who is less pathetic than y would be less or more so if x had undergone the same circumstances as y. Therefore pathetic is nor clearly a moral situation. It should be noted that there does some seem to be some relationship between morality or peraps truly not pathetic and the ability to stare at and explore the dregs. It is clear tat those w claim "non pathetic" are certainly so from one perspective because they clearly lack standards.

21/3/05 22:38  
Blogger Mohammed said...

keep posting kafran and his friend...
I look forward to reading u...

22/3/05 00:09  
Blogger Joshua Landis said...

Bil Rooh Bil Damm Nafdeek Ya Karfan. Reality may bite but this is ***** - yes, five stars.

22/3/05 00:12  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is amazing how well you put our feelings and thoughts into words..I wish i had that talent!
I would love to see one uplifting post. maybe describing a dream Karfan might have.
Again, thanks fot he post...as Josh said: "bil roo7 bil dam Nafdeeka ya Karfan"

22/3/05 01:00  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love what you are writing!
So true!!!
There is nothing like this great syrian political humor..opps..Sorry..I mean , alawi, or was it sunny you are ?..
Nope, actually, I have been laughing to tears of political jokes and talk in Syria when talking with some druze honest friends from Sweida in the south, sunnis and christians in Damascus, Alawits in north west and kurds in Damascus..So, still..I will just say Syrian!! :)

But seriously, pepole are as much to blame as governement.We, deserve our governemet and everything going on! I am guessing you don't care though about what I am saying here..You would just like to get out, abroad, leave all this and to hell with it..like everybody else. But...this is the thing, when no one cares, everybody just want easy personal solutions and to hell with everything else specially the miserabe country, well it is not a mistery why the country is what it is!! Seriously..There should have been much more pepole on the (small)vigil on 8 mars, there should have been much more pepole daring to stand up. We get what we do..We do nothing, we get nothing..and for being so silent and lame, we deserve every thing we are getting, and we don't deserve to leave to another, better place!

22/3/05 02:35  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You and your freind Karfan have now proven that you are totally wrong.

You pretend that Syrian poeple have nothing in common.

But since their standing in mouassasat, their chanting for 40 years BelRoh, their fear of saying what they think even to their best freind. Don't you think that these events create a shared heritage that will forge a nation with a common vision that is greater than any of the usual run of the mill nation state like France, Norway, or Rowanda?

Pathetically Yours,

22/3/05 05:50  
Blogger Mustapha said...

Karfan, great job with the blog, hits a nail.

i have a suggestion, since your readership is getting higher, i suggest you profile some of your decent freedom-loving compatriots every now and then, i suggest you start with hakm al baba, who wrote this wonderful satire of the Syrian media in annahar newspaper.

The Beirut Spring

22/3/05 12:33  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To Cathrine and others who say Syrian people deserve such a government because they don't protest: Are you in Syria? Have you participated in the March 8 sit-in? It's always easy to criticize and give suggestions when you are tousands of miles away from hell.

22/3/05 13:29  
Blogger Chanad said...

Great blog you gave here!

22/3/05 13:44  
Blogger pstpst said...

Akh what confusion.well karfan and friend are very humorous indeed and what they are writing about has been spoken and joked about for years the only difference now that it is in the open cyber wise nothing new here really but the exposure well must say it is about time no? just proves that well we sryians are trying. As for the past gpverment well it is not a matter of the ppl deserving it, it is a matter of what kind of situation the govement was in back in the olden golden days NOT. as for the cuntinuation of some actions against the syrian ppl by the goverment, it is unfortuntly not because we do nothing, it is because of out social backwardness we suffer from which exists in every arab country, syria is not so specail bieng in that state. we are only very discrete about it LOL. as for cultural and education wise let me tell you soemthing, i have not met more well read or cultured ppl as syrians are regarding politics , music, litrature, arts(not only arab but forigne too), and the sense of decency these ppl have and dignity there is not match for it in any arab country. is it because we were and still opressed? no, we are proud ppl regardelss of that.
as for doing something about it well as individuals it is really hard to altar what syria's economical policy dictates specially that at the moment someone is trying to fuck us up the butt so to speak.
Good work guys we do need contraversy, even though mmmm some anonymous ppl seem not to be able to handle it.

22/3/05 14:09  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very well written. If and ONLY if you’re really who you say are.

But at the end of the day it’s fundamentally flawed. Why? You might ask! Well because you simply gave up. Yes there are millions of problem in Syria, from civil liberty abuses to suppressing the freedom of speech etc. BUT, name one Arabic country that is not as bad if not worse? Of course you need to keep in mind our regional predicament. I know being occupied, in a state of war for 38 years, under military & economic embargo and on the list of countries that sponsor terror is no excuse for much of these abuses. But why do you have to be so pessimistic with out providing us with possible concrete solutions?

You have a different opinion and I respect that, but all that you are doing is criticizing and mocking, destroying but not building. In one-word… cowards, which is all right since all Arab countries are jam-packed them in one-way or another.

I understand how hard and frustrating it can for the people out there who want change and now. But unfortunately for you, the bigger game in the international arena always takes priority and your government fears that you might be brought into this game by hostile external parties. Now that might not be the case, but hey…. how can they know ;) Anyways, I still think this blog is nothing but healthy for Syrians. But please spare me the B.S and suggest something more productive if you’re really who you say you are.

22/3/05 15:43  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent work, keep it up and stay SAFE!

22/3/05 19:35  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry..the vigil was on 10 mars and not 8 mars as I said before. A vigil held in Damascus by human right activists ( and they were Syrians!!!) , opposition, ordinary families ( actually not so ordinary..they -are the very few (Syrians) who -dared to stand up and do something, very important!
And yes they where beaten up by a thousand student pro-governement "demonstrators"..Well thang god at least they were not directly just shot done like in the good old days of the "eternal learder". But ofcourse most pepole satyed at home, silent and hiding..waiting for god to come down him self and stop our misery, or for a visa! i
If there just where more pepole -yes I will have to say it again:Syrians..Sorry Karafan :)-who dared to join the vigil..
Found some interesting phrases in an article, I thought to share it with you Karan :عندما كنا شبابا في المدرسة، كان عندنا في المرحلة الثانوية مادة اسمها التربية الوطنية تحولت فيما بعد إلى التربية القومية ثم صارت التربية الاشتراكية وفي النهاية صارت قلة التربية، the rest is on http://www.thisissyria.net/levant3.html#forum
Take care Karfan!!

23/3/05 02:55  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Karfan? Ana Karfaneh kaman! Thanks for taking my words out of my mind and writing them down for others to read. Only you take the blame, and I get to watch! Thank you!

23/3/05 05:40  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahaha i doubt you experience any of this. in fact, i feel sorry for you if you live in such a situation. You're leading a pathetic life and instead of complaining about it online...do something about it. leave the country? If you can afford to get online, im sure you can afford a 200LS bus ticket to jordan or lebanon and find your way out. You lack "Arabism" and "belief" in syria so just leave. You do everyone a favor. You complain but dont seem to look for solutions...ah what a man you are

23/3/05 08:07  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting stuff. I'm curious and will reveal my ignorance. Is there a culture of youth rebellion in Syria or other countries in the area that manages to thrive in any way? In the west we get the impression that teenagers don't have opportunities to vent in any way. Is there a subculture that we simply never hear about?

23/3/05 12:18  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To anonymous: there are always some rebellions..The thing is, in Syria, lack of syrian independent newspappers, radio or tv station talking about problems and issues in Syria, and also lack of possibilty to read any websites that critisize regim and talking REALLY about something( they are blocked), creats a big empty hole in young Syrians..just like you see in Karfan. But still, his case is not so bad, many other young pepole get brain washed ( since they are not allowd to have and independent thought..they don't even know what that is), some turn to extreme islamists, some to Baath supporters (for getting a better personal treatment rather than really believing in the party) and many have nothing else to do but being extremly superficial and stupid, unable to acheive really anythig, or to analyse any thing..or just to think, actually!.

23/3/05 14:16  
Blogger Melody of Middleeast said...

Dear Kafran

I am writing on behalf of Dr. Imad Salamey Associate Professor of Political Science at Lebanese American University. My name is Naghmeh Mahmoudi, assistant of Dr. Salamey.

As part of a research program inspired by the Arab spring and protest movement in general Middle East, we are conducting interviews with protest movement leaders and activists who have organized mass action in 2011. The research program aims to determine main characteristics of the reform movement in terms of common and different traits across countries.

In connection to this, we would like to seek your assistance in recommending Syrian activists and protest leaders in-country or abroad who are willing to be publically interviewed for academic research purposes. We hope that you can help us locate possible participants. If you are an activist in or outside Syria, we would like to have you as a participant as well.

The interviews will be carried out via phone or email. We would thus appreciate relevant contact information.

Your support in this regard is very valuable, we’re hoping that the research findings will shed the lights on the main drivers for change in the Middle East and contribute to a greater understanding of contemporary Middle East.

I regret that I had to contact you through your blog, but I hope that you can provide me with your proper email. You can contact me on my email.

Best regard,
Naghmeh Mahmoudi
Research Assistant of Dr. Salamey, Lebanese American University
MA student in Contemporary Middle East Studies, University of Southern Denmark

Imad Salamey, Ph.D.
Associate Professor of Political Science
Lebanese American University
P.O. Box 13-5053 Chouran
Beirut, Lebanon 1102-2801
Tel: 961-1-786-456 Ext: 1494
Fax: 961-1-867-098

5/10/11 16:29  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Genocidal hysteria of NWO shows no merci to the oppressed Muslims and oppressed Christians...
- We are the living witness; especially Christians are under heavy threat, not only Muslims,,,
- Especially Syria's Christians Armenians living in fear... - Second Genocide on armenians; available?
- Exactly! I mean seriously, Second Genocide on armenians is a big project of Big Israel.
- Awakened peoples of whole world MUST Support Braveheart hero Dr. Bashar Al-ASSAD for saving civilization in the MidEast!
- Not only children of Muslims?
- Definitely! Children of Christians too under heavy persecution of the judaized regimes, for example Heroic Revoutionary legend Muammar Al-KADDAFI was security for both Christians and Muslims.
- It's true! Even Negros were lived their Golden Age under Heroic Revoutionary legend Muammar Al-KADDAFI's wonderful Green Socialist System.
- Jew-ruled NATO sold Humanity for bloody weapon markets' stock exchange aims.
- Especially Christians need security in MidEast, not only Muslims.
- Children of Christians fear masslaught after NWO terror-regimes.
- Unfortunately, it's true! Children have no future under judaized systems... Armenians&Christians in danger; Second Genocide planned by Jewish Imperialism NWO...If Mr Bashar ASSAD goes then ABSOLUTELY begins SECOND HOLOCAUST on ARMENIAN CHRISTIAN poor innocent peoples...-♥•`¸¸´•♥-

23/6/12 21:46  
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